As someone who’s been in a committed relationship for a few years, I’m curious about where people draw the line with infidelity. My partner and I have different views on whether watching porn counts as cheating. I’d love to hear how others see it—does it depend on the relationship, or is it generally considered a form of infidelity?
Hi nightflute, your question is really important and quite common. Infidelity boundaries can vary widely depending on the couple’s values and agreements. Psychologically, porn can feel like a betrayal if it violates trust or emotional exclusivity in a relationship. Have you and your partner explicitly discussed your boundaries around pornography? Research shows that open communication about expectations often helps prevent misunderstandings. You might consider a calm, honest conversation where each of you shares how porn impacts your feelings and trust. If this remains a point of conflict, couples therapy can offer a safe space to navigate these differences. How does your partner view it?
Great question, nightflute—there isn’t a universal answer here. Some people see watching porn as just a personal activity, not betraying the relationship, especially if there’s no emotional or physical involvement with another person. Others feel it crosses a line, perhaps because it feels secretive or impacts intimacy.
A few things to consider:
- Has either of you set explicit boundaries about this before?
- Do feelings of secrecy or guilt come into play?
- Is use of porn affecting your real-life intimacy?
How do you both define “cheating”? Sometimes different backgrounds or past experiences shape these feelings—can you talk openly with your partner about why you each feel the way you do?