Marion A. Osieyo Do you feel like you can’t do anything right? Are you constantly second-guessing yourself? Do you feel like you’re not good enough? If so, there’s a good chance that a toxic mother raised you. While many people refuse to blame-game their parents for their current struggles, it’s essential to understand how our upbringing shapes us.
You got used to the perfect image of your mother that she showed to the world, but behind closed doors, things were different. Perhaps she wasn’t abusive but could be critical, condescending, and neglectful. You started to feel worthless, or like you weren’t good enough, no matter how hard you tried.
The truth is our parents are human beings who make mistakes; however, that doesn’t excuse the emotional damage caused by a toxic mother. If your daily life is still negatively influenced by your childhood experiences, read this article to learn 8 signs you were raised by a toxic mother.
Controlling Mother Signs: How to Recognize Them
If you tend to self-analyze and overthink, the idea of being raised by a toxic mom can be overwhelming. However, before looking inside and taking the first steps toward healing, it’s important to determine if your mother is toxic. Here are 8 common signs:
1. They Overly Control You: A manipulative mother will try to control every aspect of your life—from your career choices to who you hang out with. Whether through guilt-tripping or outright manipulation, they do not respect your boundaries and strive to ensure that you never develop a sense of autonomy.
2. They Criticize You Constantly: Toxic mothers will often criticize their children to control their behavior. This criticism can be particularly hurtful if it focuses on appearance, intelligence, or interests—all meant to make the child feel like they are not good enough for the mother’s approval.
3. They Have Unrealistic Expectations: Controlling mothers also tend to have unrealistic expectations of their children—from academic achievements to career success and relationships with friends and family. The child can face criticism and even punishment if expectations are not met.
4. They Blame Their Children: Toxic mothers often make their children to blame for everything that goes wrong in their life, whether it be a failed relationship or a financial setback. This unhealthy habit can leave the child feeling guilty and helpless at times.
5. They Make It Hard to Say No: A manipulative mother may pressure her child into doing things they don’t want to, making them feel like they have no choice but to comply with her demands. In this way, she takes away the autonomy of her children and puts them in stressful situations.
6. They Don’t Respect Boundaries: Toxic mothers don’t respect their children’s boundaries and may invade their privacy. They might read their diaries, listen in on phone calls, or criticize how they look. This can leave a child feeling violated and disrespected.
7. They Use Guilt as a Weapon: Controlling parents often use guilt to control their children. They may guilt their child into doing something they want them to do, making them feel obligated to comply with her demands even if it is not what they want to do.
8. They Refuse to Apologize: A toxic mother will never apologize for her behavior or take responsibility for her actions. When confronted about her wrongdoings, she will either deny them or make excuses. This can cause her child to feel like their feelings and opinions don’t matter, leading them to lose respect for their mother gradually.
Being raised by a controlling mother can have long-lasting effects on a person’s mental health, self-esteem, and sense of security. Your typical behavioral patterns that people see as your relationship with your mother often shapes traits or habits. We’ll show you 8 signs in your behavior that could be attributed to being raised by a toxic mother.
Unmasking the Signs: How to Tell If You’re Raised by a Toxic Mom
If you often feel reserved and shy, it could signify the protection shield from the effects of toxic parenting you’ve built up over the years. Unfortunately, it’s normal for your self-esteem and other people’s trust to take a hit when growing up in this environment. Are there any telltale signs that a manipulative mother raised you? We’ll explore 8 common behaviors here, so you can determine if that is the case.
You Always Put Others Ahead of Yourself
Do you feel like you have an unnatural urge to please everyone around you, even if it means sacrificing yourself in the process? Controlling mothers tend to prioritize their own needs over those of their children, and this can extend into adulthood.
While dealing with toxic parents in adulthood, you may find yourself putting others first, even if it means sacrificing your own health and well-being. Subconsciously, you may be trying to make up for the lack of attention and love you received as a child.
You Are Scared To Speak Up For Yourself
Do you feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells when it comes to your mother? Is my mom toxic or am I overreacting? Growing up with a mentally unstable mother can make expressing your thoughts and feelings difficult.
You may be used to facing criticism, manipulation, and guilt trips on a regular basis. Sadly, this kind of behavior can shape your sense of self and lead to feelings of low self-esteem.
You Struggle To Express Your Emotions Openly
If you had a toxic relationship with mother, expressing your emotions can feel like walking on eggshells. You may have grown up feeling like your feelings weren’t valid or significant enough to be taken seriously.
And so you’ve become very good at hiding how you think and feel – even from yourself. When things get tough, you may find it difficult to open up and share your feelings, or even identify what those feelings are in the first place.
You Have Difficulty Trusting People
Growing up with an unpredictable and unreliable, toxic mom can have long-lasting impacts on one’s ability to trust people later in life. You may find yourself always questioning the motivations of others or struggling to know what is safe and trustworthy out in the world.
As a result, it can be hard for you to open up and share your feelings – even with someone you trust. Your close relationships may suffer as a result, or be entirely avoided because of this lack of trust.
You Feel Inadequate
What is a toxic mom? Did she often make you feel like you were not good enough? Did she criticize and berate you for making mistakes or not living up to her standards? If so, a toxic parent likely raised you.
Constantly being put down and made to feel like you aren’t worth anything can leave deep-rooted psychological scars. These can manifest in an adult’s lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem. You might also find it difficult to trust yourself and your decisions due to feeling like you were deemed worthless as a child.
You Have Low Self-esteem
What are the controlling mother signs? A refusal to accept and validate her child’s feelings can take its toll on a young person’s self-perception. Over time, this can lead to the development of a deep-rooted lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem.
This can cause you to withdraw socially, compare yourself negatively to others, and feel like you’re constantly getting it wrong. Misinterpretation of your mother’s criticism can also lead to feelings of shame, guilt, and inadequacy.
You Struggle With Healthy Boundaries
Toxic parents in adulthood tend to violate personal boundaries. And if a toxic mother raised you, you will likely struggle to set boundaries with others. Abusive mothers are notorious for crossing the line and intruding on their children’s mental, emotional, or physical space.
When we can’t learn healthy boundary setting from our parents, it impacts us later in life when forming relationships. We tend to allow anyone and everyone into our lives without considering the consequences. This can lead to feeling taken advantage of, overwhelmed, and completely exhausted.
You Struggle With Intimacy
What are the signs of toxic parents upbringing? Many adults raised by manipulative mothers struggle with intimacy issues in their relationships, feeling like they always need to take care of others before themselves.
To make matters even more complicated, this issue isn’t something we can quickly identify or recognize as adults—it often manifests itself in other ways, such as difficulty trusting someone, pushing away those closest to us, unhealthy attachments, or seeking validation from others.
Conclusion
Overall, toxic parent traits can have devastating consequences for their child, leading to depression, anxiety, low self-worth, and other issues. If you recognize any of these signs in yourself, it may be time to seek out professional help from a therapist or support group. By working through your feelings and experiences, you can begin the journey toward healing.
