Erin Leonard Trusting relationships are crucial for intimacy and deep connection. If your partner isn’t on the same page you are, it can be hard to move forward in the relationship without feeling upset over your concerns being dismissed or not addressed.
My BF doesn’t trust me. Can you love someone who doesn’t trust you? Is there a way to earn his trust? In this article, we’ll offer some insights and advice on how to help your boyfriend trust you.
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Why Do People Experience Trust Issues?
The reasons why people experience trust issues can vary. There are some purely psychological explanations as well as some very real and understandable reasons based on past experiences. Some people were raised by parents who were neglectful and abusive, so they grew up with a deep-rooted sense of insecurity. At the same time, the others might simply be struggling with trust issues of their own and projecting that onto the people they get involved with.
Below, we’ll show in detail why your boyfriend may have trust issues and what you can do to make him trust you.
Reason 1. He Feels Insecure
When a man feels insecure about himself, his relationship will mirror that insecurity. This can happen in any relationship – whether it’s a boyfriend or husband – where the male is feeling insecure and so becomes possessive, controlling, and paranoid.
Insecurities come from childhood experiences as well as current life factors such as work, finances, family life, etc. Insecurity can also be based on false beliefs about oneself, for example, “I am not worth being loved or cared about.” It can be helpful to look at this concept of self-worth by asking yourself: “If someone I cared for deeply told me they didn’t trust me would it make me feel bad? Would I feel rejected by them?” If your answer is yes to both questions, this shows that you are not, in fact, worthy of their trust.
If someone does not trust you, it can be hurtful and leave you feeling confused about why they do not believe in your honesty, integrity, and loyalty towards them. It can also make you question yourself when in reality, their lack of trust in you has nothing to do with who you really are or what kind of relationship the two of you have together.
Reason 2. There is a Breach of Trust in the Relationship
This can happen when one person breaks the agreed-upon rules by which you both decided to live. For example, cheating is a breach of trust. If you “cheat” on your partner, and they find out about it, this is likely to make them question their feelings towards you because if they do not feel like they can trust you, this means that there are major problems in the relationship.
Sometimes breaches of trust are things that people can’t control, such as having an alcohol addiction or compulsion, but other times it can be something that was done intentionally, such as cheating on your boyfriend with someone else.
Reason 3. He May Have Personal Issues With Trusting Others
It can be challenging for some people to open up and let people into their lives, and this can mean that they just do not feel comfortable giving others the level of trust required to be able to love them.
This can be for several reasons. It could be that they have had a bad experience in the past where someone has betrayed them, or it may simply be because they are incredibly guarded about themselves due to their own personal issues.
Regardless of the reason, if you feel like your boyfriend doesn’t trust you, there are always ways to work through this and make sure that you both get the level of closeness required to make your relationship work.
Reason 4. He is Jealous
A lot of people would say that being jealous is a good thing – after all, if someone is jealous, they have obviously got feelings for you. However, jealousy can also be a very dangerous emotion, and this is especially true in relationships where there isn’t enough trust between the partners.
Your partner may feel as though they need to keep an eye on you because they don’t trust how faithful you are going to be to them, even if they have done nothing wrong themselves. This kind of behavior could lead to major arguments, which will eventually erode the love and respect that should exist between any couple.
Reason 5. He is Jealous of Your Friends
Your partner may feel as though your friends are replacing him. He might resent you’re going out with them and could even try to stop you from doing it. He may think that you spend more time with your friends than you do with him, or that they can influence you in a way that he can’t himself. It’s a good idea to talk to your boyfriend about this and see what his problem is.
He wants all of your affection for himself, and if he can’t have it, he feels as though he will lose control over the relationship, which means losing control over you. To many people, jealousy shows a lack of trust, but if this were true, no couple would ever be happy because nobody trusts their partner 100%. There is a level of trust involved in every relationship, which means that we do not always have to be with the person we are dating, and they will still come back to us.
Reason 6. Your Relationship is Lacking Communication
Some people think that the key to a long-lasting relationship is shutting up and not saying what they feel, but this is wrong. You must be able to communicate your true feelings rather than bottle them up so they explode at some point in time. All relationships run into problems. Therefore, it is essential to be able to talk about them with one another. If you can’t do this, your partner will begin to lose trust in you because he doesn’t know what you are thinking.
Reason 7. He Grew up Surrounded by Unhealthy Relationships
Some people learn how to treat relationships from their parents, and if they see them break up because of trust issues, it can make them scared of doing the same thing. This is why some guys do not like to commit early on in a relationship because they are still getting themselves sorted out and want to avoid any commitment until this happens.
This is why it can be hard to know “why does my boyfriend lie to me” because there are many things going on with them. However, you need to remember that if they lied about a small thing, it could make your relationship even more awkward, and this is why he might not want to tell you the truth in case he loses you.
Read Also: My Boyfriend Puts His Child Before Me: Things You Really Need To Know
10 Ways to Earn Your Boyfriend’s Trust
When you want to earn your boyfriend’s trust, it can be helpful to remember that all of us have blind spots. We might assume the worst about our partner based on some negative experiences in the past, but if we give them the benefit of the doubt and allow them to show us who they really are (and if we take care not to act like someone we’re not), it will go a long way toward earning their trust.
The following 10 steps can strengthen communication between you and your partner and help him trust you again.
Tip 1. Show That You’re Trustworthy
If your boyfriend doesn’t trust you, it probably has something to do with whether or not he thinks you can be trusted in the first place. Men especially value their ability to rely on women in times of need. So if he feels like he can trust you but also see proof of your commitment to him in every way possible (like in how much effort you put in when spending time together), you’ll show him that he can totally turn his worries over to you and rest easy knowing that everything’s under control.
Tip 2. Show Him Some Selfless Concern From Time to Time
Don’t be afraid of sacrificing yourself for his sake every now and then. He’ll appreciate it even more if he sees that this kind of behavior doesn’t only happen at times of trouble, but it’s something that you always do.
If he feels like he can count on you, he’ll be able to let his guard down more often and see you for who you really are – the loving girl that holds his heart in the palm of her hand.
The key here is to have patience because sometimes it takes a while until your guy fully trusts you with his deepest feelings. We all have trust issues from time to time, but if your guy finds himself constantly worrying about whether or not you can be trusted instead of simply enjoying his love for you, there’s probably some unresolved insecurity issue going on (and perhaps some re-parenting is needed).
Do note that this doesn’t mean that we should only keep each other at arm’s length and not allow ourselves to be vulnerable. The two of you should build up a strong connection without having to prevent yourselves from getting close and opening up about your feelings because that would lead to a toxic relationship.
Tip 3. Be Willing to Listen to Him
One way to keep the trust and connection alive between the two of you is by talking openly about what makes him afraid of losing you. Is it because he had his heart broken before? Or did he lose someone he loved in an accident? And most importantly – how can you reassure him that these things won’t happen again (without sabotaging your own happiness, of course)?
Don’t leave him hanging when it comes to answering his questions or resolving his fears so that both of you can feel secure enough to be yourselves. No man wants to worry about losing his girl constantly, so tell him how you feel and be as open as possible about what makes this relationship so great.
When communicating with your boyfriend, always give him straightforward answers without any beating around the bush. Never leave anything important unsaid, even if it’s difficult for you to talk about or understand because that will just confuse and hurt him.
Tip 4. Take Small Risks to Prove Yourself
It may feel like the best way for someone who doesn’t know or trust you very well yet is to give them space, let them come to you naturally, and stay as far away from any potential land mines as possible.
However, the biggest reason people don’t trust is that they fear being burned by being too close to someone who they couldn’t rely on – so if they have a bad experience with you once they do finally open up, it will be that much more painful.
Taking small risks helps your partner see that you’ll always be there for them, even when things get a little tough or uncomfortable at times.
Tip 5. Have Patience With Them When They Do Open Up to You
A lot of people tolerate their partner’s fear and either ignore it or shut down in response. But this ends up pushing an anxious partner away even more because they feel judged for having fears that are pretty hard to understand if you don’t deal with them yourself.
Instead, accept your partner exactly how they are, reassure them that everything is okay through your words and actions – all of which, again, will take patience on your end! Be patient with them as they learn to trust you more deeply over time, and know that it’s completely worth the wait. Once your anxious partner feels comfortable enough to share more about themselves with you, both of your lives will become much easier.
Tip 6. Accept Your Partner For Who They Are
This might seem like a no-brainer, but it’s crucial to learn to accept your partner exactly how they are. This means being sympathetic to their needs, accepting them for the insecurities they have – whatever it is that makes them tick!
Even if you don’t understand everything your partner may be going through, take the time to put in the effort to do so. After all, this person is choosing to spend their life with you! Again, remember that loving someone unconditionally will require patience on your end. People show love differently than other people – in terms of how much love they can give or receive at any given moment. They may need time alone more often because even though they want closeness and intimacy, their brains can’t handle as much input as others.
Tip 7. Make Intimacy a Priority… Even When You’re Not in the Mood (Wink)
Sometimes you can be angry with your boyfriend but still want to show him that you still love him by being affectionate. So even if your mood doesn’t match it, make an effort to engage in physical contact such as holding hands, hugging, and kissing. It’s a small step towards regaining the intimacy you once had in your relationship.
When your partner is feeling insecure, they need to feel loved and comforted in order for them to move past their fears. Intimacy can help build up that trust because it shows that despite any differences or misunderstandings, the two of you are committed to each other and willing to work on things together rather than apart.
Tip 8. Own Your Mistakes, Don’t Blame Him for Them
Even if love is unconditional, there are still going to be days when you want nothing more than for your partner to return the feeling because of a fight or a serious concern.
It can be a hard thing to do, but if you have made mistakes in the past, don’t blame your partner for them. They might not even know about those around you! Make sure that you take responsibility for them and apologize to him as well as anyone else who may have been affected by these choices.
Saying sorry isn’t enough if you’ve hurt someone, and neither is making excuses. Own your mistakes and apologize to everyone involved; then focus on moving forward by not repeating those actions again.
Tip 9. Act Like the Person He Fell in Love With
If you feel like your partner is no longer seeing the real you, start to act more like yourself. If he is looking through this “cloak of invisibility” that you’ve somehow taken on, show him who you really are again. Be true to your character without putting too much pressure on him, so he can take his time getting used to the new and improved version of you.
Tip 10. Allow Them Some Space From Time to Time
Your boyfriend may have lost trust in you for one reason or another but still loves you enough not to want to let things go completely. In this case, give him his own space and don’t try to force a conversation that he might not yet be ready for. Trust is something built on time – patience will help strengthen your relationship.
If you want to get your boyfriend’s trust back, it’s important that you realize that this is not something that can be done overnight. Trust takes time to rebuild, but if both of you are willing, it will come back in due course.
Read Also: How to Spy on Your Boyfriend’s Phone
What to Do If Your Boyfriend Still Can’t Trust You?
If you can’t seem to win your boyfriend’s trust back, the best thing you can do is give him his own space. Don’t send him text messages or call him up in an attempt to mend things between the two of you because that might only make matters worse. Instead, focus on yourself and find ways to keep yourself busy.
When your boyfriend needs some time away from you, so he can think about what happened without being distracted by your presence, allow him this space until he can come around again. It’s not easy being in a situation where someone doesn’t fully trust you, but if you prove that this person can rely on you when it counts, there is no reason why love can’t conquer all.
“Can you love someone and not trust them?” – this is the query that can rattle around your head when you learn that the person you believe trusts you doesn’t. What can happen is that love can end up being confused with a sense of possession and, as a result, can turn into a form of jealous control where a person’s behavior becomes dictatorial and demeaning.
When trust breaks down in a relationship, it can be very hard on both parties because the expectation is shattered on both sides. Therefore, it can take some time before either party can even begin to contemplate building this essential quality back up or whether they really want to at all or whether they should just let go. In order for trust to ever be rebuilt once it has been broken, there has to be an acknowledgment of what went wrong, but, more importantly, the work has to be done in trying to understand why it can break down.
Read Also: Advice for Women Who Need Help from Their Boyfriends: What to Do When He Doesn’t Spend Money on You
Final Thoughts
Trust can be broken but can also be repaired in time. If you’re in a situation where your boyfriend has lost trust in you, take it slow and give him the space to sort things out. You can win back his love eventually if he can see that you are truly sorry for what happened. Forget about trying to force things because this can make him even more insecure around you. Just work on getting his trust back by patiently waiting for the right time to talk (when he’s ready) and when you do, explain yourself calmly without making promises that might not be kept.
Remember, the best thing about having a good relationship is being able to rely on one another.
