A lack of sexual intimacy is a common problem many couples face throughout their relationship. However, some individuals interpret this as a sign that their partner does not love them anymore or the opposite: they feel guilty, thinking that they are doing something wrong and start pleasing their partner excessively just so they feel wanted again even if they don’t want to have intimacy at all.
It is normal to have ups and downs, but when it becomes constant or prolonged, the intimacy in the relationship suffers. If your boyfriend doesn’t seem interested in you sexually anymore, read on to find out what can be done about this situation.
15 Reasons My Boyfriend Doesn’t Seem Interested in Me Sexually
Intimacy is not just intercourse, it can be something as simple as hand-holding or hugging. Many women believe that they have to have sex for their partner to show them affection and interest in intimacy with them. Intimacy is also about being close to someone, emotionally and physically.
If your partner shows less interest in this aspect of your relationship, it could be due to many different factors. However, there are things you can do around the house that will help remind him how much he means to you without actually saying anything about it!
Here are 15 signs he doesn’t want you sexually:
Reason 1. Stress at Work
If your man is stressed at work, this can often affect both his mindset and his libido when he gets home. Unfortunately, the lack of positive energy from work will carry over into his personal life. If you have been noticing that your boyfriend has no desire for intimacy lately, this could be one of the major culprits. Try to encourage activities that help him relax when he gets home, such as going for a walk together or inviting friends around for dinner.
Reason 2. Your Body
Perhaps you think you look fabulous enough to turn any man’s head without much effort – but not everyone else sees it that way. He might feel insecure about himself and what he looks like compared to you, which means he often doesn’t want to engage in intimate activities with you. It can also lead to him comparing himself negatively to other men who are more attractive than him! Don’t let this get in the way of intimacy.
Reason 3. Trust Issues
He might have trust issues when it comes to you and your actions, which means that he’s always suspicious and never believes what you say 100%. This can lead to him feeling insecure and not wanting to be close to you physically because he doesn’t feel confident enough in who you are as a person. It can sometimes feel like we’re being attacked if we don’t know where our partner’s mind is – so avoid getting into such an argument about it before heading straight for seductive activities!
Reason 4. You Don’t Initiate Sex Enough
This one may seem obvious, but lots of women brush off sex simply because they don’t understand how important it is for their man’s mental health. Many men feel the need to be the provider for their family, and this often leaves them feeling burdened by stress that they do not know how to share with others. This is why it is essential that you take the initiative in showing your man that you are interested in spending time together!
Keep him company by cooking together or making a nice candlelight dinner at home. Find opportunities during the day to spend alone time together, even if it’s just watching TV while cuddling on the couch wrapped up warmly under a blanket! It doesn’t have to always be about sex either sometimes, just an intimate hug will work wonders.
Even in long-term relationships, people should still be having sex. This may not happen every day (or even every week), but you should feel like it’s something that can happen at any time. If you’ve stopped initiating sex with him, there is always the chance that he will interpret this as your loss of interest in him and his body.
What can also take place if you do not initiate sex is the idea that you are unhappy with the way he looks or feels has taken hold in his mind. When this happens, he will be less likely to want to copulate with you, simply because he doesn’t want to make himself more self-conscious than he already is!
Reason 5. You’re Not Being Creative Enough
Tired of having sex in the bedroom? Spice it up with different locations! A change of scenery can help keep things new and exciting. Try the kitchen, living room, or outdoors for a fun time you both will never forget.
It’s important to try new things with your partner to ensure that you both are satisfied with what goes on behind closed doors. Whether this means trying out a new sex position or having sex somewhere outside of the bedroom, there are many different ways for couples to mix it up without saying a single word to each other. Once you do that, do not be surprised if he starts showing affection more often.
Reason 6. You Compare Him to Other Guys
You will never, ever get ahead in your relationship by comparing your guy to another one. EVER! Even if you’re talking about an ex and saying how much better things are now that you’re with this new guy or how much more attentive he was at the beginning of your relationship, don’t do it. It puts pressure on him to live up to others (or past versions of himself) when he’s already trying his best for you today.
Instead, if you want him to be different, tell him how you need and want those changes. Give specifics about what things he can do differently so that he knows exactly what you mean.
Be sure that you’re not mixing up your expectations between what he does and who you actually want him to be.
For example, if a man is thoughtful but doesn’t communicate well, reminding him that you wish he would share his thoughts more often will do nothing since he’s already thinking of you. But telling him about how much better things will be if he’s honest with you (rather than blaming the lack of conversation on him) might make him think twice before shutting down or bottling up his feelings.
Reason 7. You Don’t Romance Him Enough
If you want to keep your man, make sure you’re working on keeping the romance alive every single day. It doesn’t have to be an extravagant date night (although those are nice). Just make him feel special in some way every day, whether it’s surprising him with his favorite takeout or taking a minute to kiss him before you run out the door.
You’ll see a noticeable difference in his desire to be intimate with you if he feels like he’s the number one man in your life. It doesn’t mean you have to stop hanging out with friends or doing fun stuff yourself. But showing him every day that he’s a priority will help keep him excited about being your partner and wanting to spend time with you physically, too.
Reason 8. Your Sex Is an Obligation Rather Than Something That Brings You Pleasure Together
No one wants to feel like they’re part of a chore or more like a “job” than anything else. (And no, sex doesn’t always have to involve intercourse — it can be as simple as kissing and touching.) Think about the times you willingly want to spend with him: When he offers to go on a walk with you or take you out for ice cream, that’s your cue that he might be interested in something more (like making out behind the ice cream store).
If sex is something you’re only doing because it feels like an obligation rather than something that brings you both pleasure, chances are he’ll start feeling that way too, which could lead to him pulling back in bed or resisting when you initiate.
In this scenario, you may think “why doesn’t my boyfriend want to have sex with me?” or “my boyfriend doesn’t make me feel wanted sexually.”
That’s why it’s so important that you never physically push yourself on him, even if it’s something as simple as a kiss or a touch. Instead, if he wants to do those things with you, he’ll come up with the idea himself. If he doesn’t, don’t take it personally – some guys just aren’t as interested in being sexual as others.
Reason 9. You Overthink Every Move You Make in Bed
Sex isn’t always going to feel mind-blowing, while every move feels totally natural and right. But while stress, tiredness, or just having had a big meal may cause performance issues from time to time, obsessing over how everything looks or trying too hard is just going to add pressure that will make intimacy more stressful than pleasurable.
If you’re turning everything you do in bed into an interrogation, it’s going to put a lot of pressure on your partner as well as you. You need to learn how to let go and just enjoy the moment.
“You think too much about everything you do in bed, and it’s making me feel like I’m not good enough for you. When we have sex, it always feels like I’m doing something wrong even though it feels really good to me.”
Reason 10. You Blame Your Sex Turn-Offs on Something in Your Past
No matter what it is, you’re not in the mood for sex right now if he’s brought it up before, and you’ve said no, there’s a good chance that you will keep saying no unless something changes. And maybe exactly what needs to change is your past experiences with partners who made you feel bad about certain preferences or desires.
It might be easier to blame an ex than face the reality of how much work it takes to get over one’s own sex hangups, but whether the issue is a shame about masturbation, a fear of being vulnerable during sex, or reluctance to spice things up with something you’ve only seen in porn, it’s on you to get over it – not your partner – and find a way to make yourself comfortable enough in the bedroom that he doesn’t feel like he has to twist your arm every time.
Reason 11. He’s Cheating on You
If your intimacy levels have dropped since that promotion he got at work, or you just feel like he’s not being very affectionate with you anymore, there is a possibility that he is cheating. Men who are engaging in any kind of illicit relationship will most likely avoid intimacy at all costs with their partner because it is too much of a risk to let someone see them in this vulnerable state. A man who usually initiates sex and tries to do everything possible to make you happy might become distant if he has an affair.
Reason 12. He Isn’t Seduced to You Anymore
It’s not an easy thing to discuss with your partner, but this is one of the most common causes of intimacy issues in relationships. If he isn’t physically attracted to you anymore, there’s no way he’ll be interested in anything else. You may need to spend some time apart or even take a break, but you need to find out why this has happened. Ask yourself if it could be related to stress at work or home, illness, or medication side effects.
Finally, check that his feelings for you are really gone by asking him how things look between the two of you – what can be done to improve things? He might just need some space and think that breaking up would solve everything for him.
Reason 13. You Are Too Critical
When was the last time you told your guy how amazing he looks without his shirt off? If you can’t remember when it was, it’s time to change that! A lot of guys are very self-conscious about their bodies no matter what anyone says, so why not give him some encouragement?
A few compliments are bound to go a long way. Your sex will skyrocket if you have a positive attitude towards your man’s body!
Reason 14. You Criticize Yourself
You know what they say about people who point out the splinter in their neighbor’s eye but not the beam on their own? Yeah, don’t be that person. Be careful not to criticize yourself around him either because it can really bring down his libido.
If you want him to see you as sexy and perfect, you need to start believing it too. Instead of finding flaws with your figure, talk about all of the things that make you feel beautiful! Not only will this make sex more enjoyable for yourself, but it is bound to turn on your guy as well.
Reason 15. You Don’t Look Your Best For Him
If he’s your man, he loves you no matter what! That doesn’t mean that you should be wearing sweats all of the time. Now and then, surprise him by getting dolled up just for him! He will feel special knowing that it is just for him and will definitely show his appreciation through sex later on!
What Should I Do If My Boyfriend Doesn’t Seem Interested in Me Sexually?
Sex is the number one way to show your love for someone. It is the physical expression of being in love, and what better person to give that to than the person you are in a relationship with? As time goes on, relationships have their ups and downs, just like everything else. When something seems off, it is easy to assume that things are not going well between you and your current boyfriend.
If your boyfriend doesn’t seem interested with you sexually, he might have some other issues on his mind. In order to get back the passion that was once there, check out these tips. These will definitely get his attention and hopefully reignite that passion in your relationship.
Tip 1. Find Out What the Problem Is
While you may feel that it is perfectly obvious what the issue is, chances are there could be something else affecting your partner’s ability to get intimate. The reason for this cold-shoulder treatment might not be anything to do with you, but there might be something going on in your partner’s life that is preventing him from wanting to get close to anyone at the moment.
One of the things you can do is find out what’s really going on with your boyfriend. However, it’s essential that you’re not pushy or needy when trying to discover why he doesn’t want you sexually at the moment. Your conversation needs to be as loving and caring about him as possible.
Be understanding. Whatever reason he gives you for his lack of sexual interest, remember that men are sensitive too, even if they don’t show it. Try not to see this situation as a personal attack against you or something that goes against everything you believe in because it isn’t! He might just need some time away from being so close to anyone before he can open up enough to let someone get close again.
Tip 2. Let Him Know How You Feel
It is important that the man in your life knows exactly what you expect from him. Sex with a loved one is an extremely intimate experience, and men need to understand this as well as know that their partner wants sex with them. You should let him know that you would like more attention and lovemaking with him. Otherwise, it may end up with such a thought in your mind “I don’t want my boyfriend to touch me anymore.”
Men and women communicate differently, so it is essential that you make your needs known in a way that he will understand. Vague complaints can often be misinterpreted by men, who may attach the wrong meaning to the words. Communicating about what you like and dislike in an intimate relationship can make a big difference for everyone involved.
Tip 3. Give Your Boyfriend Some Time
If your boyfriend doesn’t seem interested with you sexually or constantly rejects the idea of being intimate – whether this is once a week, twice a month, or every other day – do not push for it. Sometimes people just need some time away from each other even if they really love one another. This does not mean that your partner no longer feels any form of attraction towards you, but sometimes we all need some space from our partners after constantly being together for an extended period of time.
Giving your partner space allows them to miss you and hopefully reignite that passion in your relationship.
It’s not uncommon for people to wish they were single again; we often forget how much energy it takes to maintain a relationship, and after an extended period of time, the excitement and newness start wearing off. Giving your boyfriend some time may be just what is needed to get the spark back and make him more willing to engage in sex with you.
Tip 4. Decide How You Wish to Move Forward With Your Relationship
You may wish to tell him that you are not satisfied with the current situation and let him know what activities you would like to be included more often.
It’s possible that your boyfriend feels insecure about his ability to please you or is nervous about initiating sex. You can make clear that he has nothing to worry about by telling him how much pleasure he has given you in the past. It’s also important to reassure him of your interest by making it known when you are aroused and showing affection for him outside of sexual situations.
While some men may want their partner to take charge, others feel threatened if their girlfriend initiates intimacy. If your boyfriend prefers for you to initiate sexual contact, try masturbating before making an advance on him so that he’ll feel like he’s the one taking charge.
Tip 5. Initiate Intimacy for Yourself
It is best that you initiate intimacy for yourself. It should not come as a demand or be tied to something else that may have occurred during the day. Men are often more willing to participate in sex if they do not feel pressured. If you give your partner time to say yes, he will want to say yes. Of course, there are no guarantees, and you need to know how to pick your battles when it comes to intimacy. Try initiating sex at times other than immediately before bedtime (when men typically might be too tired) or after an argument (when your partner may not really feel like it).
You generally don’t want to start this conversation right before bedtime because most men get “tired” around that time. If you must do it during this time, focus more on non-physical intimacy activities to increase the chances of him wanting to participate in sex afterward.
Tip 6. Visit Sex Therapist
If your partner is willing to go with you, set up an appointment with a therapist to talk about the boundaries of physical intimacy. This might be uncomfortable, but it is essential to break down any emotional barriers hurting your sex life.
It’s important not to blame or shame each other during this process because feeling attacked by your partner typically shuts down the conversation and leaves both of you feeling hopeless. If you or your partner tries to place blame or guilt on the other, take a moment to remind yourself that you are merely in the middle of an adjustment period. Typically, most couples go to the therapist, thinking that everything is their partner’s fault when in most cases, both people play an equal role. Right after the first session, your intimate problems won’t get better right away, but they will get better with time.
Tip 7. Try to Make Intimacy More Fun Again
Don’t forget to enjoy it! The most important thing in an intimate relationship is the feeling of closeness and affection. Without these, you might find yourself avoiding sex altogether. Be sure to set aside time each week just for the two of you, where sex is something you do not have to worry about or schedule. This way, your intimate life can be spontaneous again, rather than planned around your fatigue or stress levels.
It is normal if your sex life gets boring after a certain period of time, so it’s the right time to spice it up. You may try intimate games or role-playing if you want some excitement.
Go ahead and experiment with sex toys! No matter how old you are, there is no shame in getting pleasure from adult novelties like add-ons for sexual pleasure. Whether it means wearing them under your clothes or going full throttle, use these adult toys to electrify intimacy.
If your intimacy is purely physical and devoid of emotions, it’s time to work on how you express your love and affection toward each other.
Tip 8. Be a Little Harder Girl to Get
If you become a harder-to-get girl in sex, he will want you more. It is simple. If he has to work for it, he will appreciate it much more than if you just gave him sex without any resistance. Resistance can be anything from initiating sex at a different time of day, turning him down once or twice before sleeping with him once or twice (that is an important rule that women often forget), wearing sexy lingerie, or just being less available than usual when he wants something to happen sexually.
In addition to enjoying sex more when he has worked for it, being a little harder in intimacy will also provoke his masculinity and trigger him to want to compete with you. Being harder means that he can’t get the things he wants unless he asks you properly.
Many women believe they are working against their own interests by making it hard for their men to get sex with them. However, this isn’t the case at all because there are many benefits for them too.
You don’t necessarily have to go all the way, but you must show him that sex isn’t something he can get so easily and often. First of all, you want your man to really desire you, not just take you for granted or think that you will always be available when he wants it. By making him wait for a little before giving in to his sexual desires, you’re actually encouraging him to respect and appreciate your body even more because he knows it’s hard for him to access it, and that’s something he’ll value.
Tip 9. Seduce Him Via Voice or Text Messages
Seduce your man by sending him a sexy text message or sending an alluring voice message. This technique is great because you can set the mood without being there in person. You can also gauge his interest through either his speech or his text messages back to you. If he responds immediately and hungrily, it’s on!
If you are looking for a naughty trick to try on your man, this is the perfect option because it can be done via text or voice message.
Tip 10. Be Strong to Let Him Go
Sometimes, you may work hard to get your relationship better and back to regular sex life but still fail. Don’t be scared of breaking up if you see there’s no better way for your couple to come back together after so much effort. Your perfect man should have his own mission in life, which is more important than being with you forever.
Don’t let him go without saying goodbye, though, it’s necessary for both of you to end the relationship on good terms. It’s best to keep things simple and say that it just didn’t work out rather than giving a reason why you are breaking up. If he presses for an explanation, tell him that he will be happier without you because he deserves someone who can make him happy all the time. Don’t give reasons about what went wrong because men typically hate complaining or blaming.
Intimacy is an important part of any romantic relationship. If you noticed that “my boyfriend doesn’t get turned on by me” in the same way that he used to or ask yourself, “why doesn’t my boyfriend want to have sex with me?”, think about what could be causing this lack of intimacy in your relationship.
Above all, don’t be afraid to talk about sex with your partner. Don’t settle for being deprived of intimacy in your relationship. With the above-mentioned tips, you will be able to create a deeper connection with your partner and make him attracted to you again.